Still here.......

How’s the weight loss going.....well it's going ....not well but it still going :) 

I've been re-reading all of my earlier posts, gee I was so energetic wasn't I?  Where the hell did that all go? I've had a pretty full on day today, so arms, legs and back are feeling a wee bit tender lol

I cleaned up the garage area then decided to detail my car....never, ever again!  I can feel muscles that I didn't even know existed!  The end result is pretty amazing though (even if I do say so myself, oh wait I already did lol).

Car is sparkling clean, free of dog hair and smelling lovely!  Me on the other hand, I was filthy dirty (didn't help that I stood in dog poo when I was hosing the car YUK!)  I am now showered and feeling as clean as the car though ....and free of dog poo smell :)

I've been very hit n' miss with my food (nothing new there), but I have been good today - only had a couple of cups of coffee and a handful of grapes and almonds.  YES I know that isn't enough ....I'm making shepherds pie and vegies for dinner tonight so that will more than make up for any deficit in calories lol

Tomorrow I'm going to drag my lovely neighbour out for a walk, oh I went for a walk this morning (pre-cleaning garage and washing car) with my youngest son and the dogs.  So I've certainly done more exercise than I have in a VERY LONG WHILE!

Swapping the old (blue) tiger for the new one!

Hubby and I have been away a few times since my last post.  First trip away we headed off to Bundaburg and Bagarga, coming back through the town of 1770 and then up to Rockhampton and home.  Second trip we headed to Hervey Bay, lovely!  The next morning we rode (oh all the trips were done on the motorbike) down to Caboolture to see hubbys Nanna, she's 97 and totally gorgeous!  Then stayed in Brisbane that night, looked at a new bike (ended up buying it - trading in our trusty tiger - for a newer model Tiger Explorer) then rode that night to Toowoomba then home the next day.  It was FREEZING in Toowoomba, I was snuggled up to hubby as far as I could to stop the cold wind from cutting me in two!!

Next weekend we're heading to Noosa, 3 nights at a beautiful resort.  We've made a pact that we'll go walking as much as we can, I'm looking forward to a breakfast cruise down the river though....so excited I can't wait!!!  The food usually goes mental when we're away ...but again we said we'd eat out and throw caution to the wind at least 1 night ...the rest of the time we're going to be good and make healthy choices!

OK that's your lot for now....ciao!

The Awful Truth....

Well....the awful truth, the truth is I have not only fallen off the 'weightloss wagon'....it's hardly even a blip on the landscape anymore!

I have taken to eating non-stop, oh yes I mean non-stop!  Cake, biscuits, chips, chocolate...anything I can get my hands on!

What the hell??  All the weight I was losing is back on ....but worse still every damned kilo has brought a couple of it's mates with it too!!  I weigh more now than I did at the start of this journey!



Depressed?  Oh yes......  

Sad?  Yes.....very......  

Unmotivated?  Well I think that goes without saying really!


So now I have had to go and buy more clothes, in a bigger size ....not happy Jan!!

My beautiful new rings!

The worst thing has been that my darling husband bought me a beautiful new wedding band and engagement ring, when we got married he always said that he'd buy me something even better when we were more financially stable.  So there I am in the jewellers a few weeks ago, dreading trying the rings on as I thought they were going to be too small....my already chubby stumpy fingers had 'grown' as the weight has piled back on....anyways, I managed to get both rings onto my fat little sausage finger....but it was VERY tight, the jeweller assured me that it was fine and was just becasue it was a different shape to my last rings.

No ....it wasn't fine.  We went in last week to drop them both off to be resized ...bigger of course!  Upside, I get to pick them up on Saturday ....yay!  Hubby did say that once my 'mojo came back' we'd be back to have them shrunk down again .....the poor woman didn't really know what to say and I certainly didn't know where to look!  

My hubby is great, he always tells me he loves me regardless and of course I believe him.....but (you knew there was going to be a 'but' didn't you?) I feel so sad about how I look that I spend hours (yes hours) whinging and moaning that nothing fits and constantly putting myself down....because ...well I'm so uphappy with myself!  He must get sick of hearing it, only once has he said that only I could change that.....whilst I know he speaks the truth, it still hurt.  I was wanting to wallow in my self pity for a bit longer.....so it kind of stopped me in my tracks lol!

So, now I'm even further from my 'goal weight' than I've ever been.  Not really ready to share my current weight with the world...I will but just not today, one step at a time...so they say!

So anyone who happens to be following or reading this blog ...let me know how you stay on track, what do you do to get back on the wagon once you've strayed?  All and any help would be more than welcome!  

Insecurities be gone!!!

If only it was really that easy??

I don't want anyone to take offence to this (as there is certainly none intented!) but I think of myself as a kind of 'reverse anorexic'...I have wardrobes and drawers FULL of clothes....in fact so many that I can't actually fit it all in! (Sadly some of my adored - but much too small - clothing has now been packed away into a port until my waistline strinks down to what I imagine I have!)

So yes the 'reverse anoroexia'....in my MIND I THINK and SEE myself as slim and healthy and I look amazing in my clothes........then I put them on and look in the mirror...............needless to say it usually ends in tears, clothing being thrown from one side of the room to the other, more tears, more self loathing.....poor hubby telling me I look fine and me not believing a word of it!

Darling hubby rang me on Thursday and said we're heading out for dinner with friends next weekend....needless to say that I am now on the verge of a nervous breakdown worrying what I'm going to wear!!  I have another week of this to go yet!  With the added weight gain over xmas I can feel the anxiety creeping through my body when I even begin to think what might look 'nice', I'm sitting here almost daring myself to get in my room and FIND something NOW!

I am alone with this?

Do any of you feel like this too?

This is just insane!!

Self sabotage be gone!!!

So thought I'd just touch base with my few followers!  No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.....more like I fell mouth first into anything and everything that tastes yummy .........and also happens to be laden with calories with very little nutritional value!

But I am back....I put on 3kgs during the xmas/new year holidays and I look like I'm about to pop out a baby!!  My tummy is flabby, bloated and I feel HIDEOUS!!!  Current weight (fully clothed) 76.4kgs

How Much...?????

I had a bit of a chat with myself this morning and kicked my butt a bit.....so breakfast was 2 poached eggs on wholemeal toast....ok I could have just had 1 and felt satisfied but I didn't .....I'm still sliding back into the 'healthy' eating bit lol :)

Lunch was a "CAG Juice" - 2 carrots, 2 apples and some ginger.  YUM!!  Why oh why did I ever stop juicing??  Darling hubby did a massive shop yeaterday whilst I was at work so the fridge and freezer are heaving with healthy choices.  So toinght I am trying to decide between salmon and salad or a juice......I think the salmon will win :P

Tomorrow I'm trying to stick to at least 2 juices (breakfast and lunch) then a smaller protein and salad.  NO COKE, NO CHOCOLATE....if I get to that part of the night where I just feel compelled to eat anything and everything that isn't nailed down I shall take deep breaths and grab a bottle of water.

OK wish me luck ......AGAIN......I know I can do this!!